I have been inspired by a friend's post to write my own story of my motherhood journey. (thank you Catherine)
Everyone has a unique journey and I thought it befitting this Mother's Day to share mine.
I have always wanted to be a mother. When I was little and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I said a lawyer but that was just because I was afraid they would laugh at me if I said what I really wanted, to be a Mother...that is all...a Mother. Maybe because I had such a great example it looked like a great job and I looked forward to the start of my career.
So, here I will share a little of my heart this Mother's Day in hopes that we will all appreciate what we have a little more...
I remember the first Mother's day after we had been trying to get pregnant with Tyler for over a year. It was the time in church I had been dreading...standing to receive a flower I didn't deserve. I was not a mother, I shouldn't get a flower.
Danny made me stand to get my potted flower even though I wanted to run out of the chapel crying, but I stood and thanked the young men all the while trying to hold back the tears. I remember when we got home I threw the flower in the garbage (not gently placed by any means...I threw with all the force I had.) I ran to my room crying and Danny lovingly got the flower out and planted it. I don't know why it meant so much to me that he did that, but it did. I remember watching that flower grow and holding on to hope that I would one day be a mother.
Thankfully soon after that Mother's day I found out I was pregnant. I was thrilled of course. It brought such joy to my heart. There was still much heartache to be had when it came to our childbearing journeys...but we won't go into all the boring details.....suffice it to say, I used to be embarrassed about my fertility issues, now I look back with gratitude for what I have experienced because it has made me a better mother than I would have been, it has made me more grateful for what I have, it has made me hug my boys a little tighter at night. (don't get me wrong, there are days I feel like pulling my hair out too, but in a strange way I am grateful for that because you appreciate the good more after there has been a little bad :)
AND...I am in good company...my fellow infertile sisters
So fast forward 14 years from that first dreaded Mother's day, here I sit with 5 beautiful boys at my feet. I never could have imagined how blessed I would be as a mother. Tomorrow I will stand with gratitude (and probably some tears) as I gather my flower. I will remember the joys and sorrows I have experienced on my journey to Motherhood. I will look forward to the years to come.
A dear friend of mine who lost her baby when he was 2 gave some wise council...
"Two years is only a short moment. Even if you get to keep your baby for a lifetime, you never again get that same energy and eagerness for life that you experience with a 2 year old. Don't squander the glory of a 2 year old son...to miss it or lose it, unaware. Hold them, rock them, hug them tight, sing to them at night, Precious children far and wide, makes our house a home inside."
You can imagine how these words helped me as I had THREE 2 year old sons several years ago, but this doesn't just apply to 2 year olds. Each stage of life for our children holds cherished adventures and memories. Don't squander any of them.
I am so thankful for the precious children I have that make my house a home.
I love you.
Love,
Mom
Cole was chosen to join the "Jedi training" He was so thrilled when the picked him. It was cute the other boys were so excited for him because they know he is obsessed with Star Wars. He had the chance to fight Darth Vader with his light saber, the force is strong with him.
